Just two things. First my favourite line from Views of a Clown: Strange that I like this kind I'm a part of: mankind. (In German it sounds better). And the second thing is a little poem. suicide quick solution sweet dreams fleeing cruelty - reality don't go it take the way less traveled by explore the world, your mind find your soul and loose your chains

I still have my job. But I will quit it as soon as I found a new one. Ya know I don't earn enough at the gas station, lousy 150EURO in averange, in Febuary it may be even less. So if you got a job for me, drop me a mail (I doubt anyone will read that entry...)

Seems like I need a new job. Dunno why but I don't have to work next weekend, boss wasn't at the gas-station today but Jürgen who worked today told me that the boss wants to talk with me. I don't care if I need a new job, ya know I'm quitting a job after a half year normaly. Normal thing to me. Stop the bull-shit and do something new, that's what's life about. Finished reading Heinrich Böll's "Ansichten eines Clowns" (Views of a clown) today. We're reading it in German class but that's one of the few I finished, really a good book. Of course it didn't take long in school till I said it would be my biography :o) hehe, joking all the time, although sometimes I'm the only one who laughs about my jokes....

Yesterday I re-recognized something I allready seemed to have forgotten. It was planned to be a cool night by my fucking sister blew it. I'm looking forward for the day I'll leave my family and go my own way, yeah.

Fuck them fuck them all

Sebi told me that a week ago. He's right w/ that statement but in my case he's wrong. For me sucide is surrender and has nothing to do with understanding (you need to understand it before you can critizie it) yourself or your life. It's worth living and don't forget that everyone of us has some great things waiting ahead. God only knows why you have a unhappy life and others don't, maybe to make you strong and prepare you for your task, I don't know, don't care. But I think we must differ between active and passive suicide. I won't commit the active one but surely the passive one. I won't go away if some evil gun-man tells me, I'll fight bankrobbers, jump into a ice-cold lake if someone's drowing and do anything else to risk my life. You might call that madness and yeah it fucking is. PS: That's not (only) a "letter" to Sebi.

What am I more frightened of? Humans or a relationship? I don't know, does it make any difference? I doubt it doesn't, I doubt it matters what I do, think or say. No one needs what I do or create, no one cares what I think no one listens to what I say. Does it matter if I live or not? I fear it makes, they wouldn't have sent me, not given me that fucking life if there's no big task waiting for me. At least they could have asked me if I want to be like everyone else, boring normal stupid & averange. No, they gave me a weird mind instead of a soul. Where to find my soul? I need it bad, won't survive any longer w/o that soul I'm missing ever since.

Uhh yeah, a new feature for the diary. Took only two minutes :-) You can now click the latest entry on the main (and every other page) to read my latest rants. Nice, no?

OK, as things showed OVB is a German-based but Europe-wide operating company, Austria is simply nearer for us in BGD. The job interview went fine, I neither tried to impress him nor showed my worst sides ;-) They'll tell me tomorrow if I got this part-time job. It's consulting and for the first few months I'll start low and even could do it as a full-time job one day. Really sounds like a nice job. I'm not sure if Angi (who had an interview at Mon) wants to do the job too, they surely would take both of us. Today's Enlgish test went fine. Maybe I get 0 points for my essay but everything else went fine, means my usual no-effort strategy (I wouldn't know what to do) payed off again =-)

Oh, forgot to mention. I have a job interview at Thursday, Austrian Finance Consulting (bad translation, sorry). They are planning to expand to Germany and so in Berchtesgaden. That's why they need young people, they got my number from old-buddy Rico. I don't think this job is something for me, but at least I'll pay them a visit and listen to them. I have still this gas station job, although it's getting kinda boring in the last weeks and I feel unhappy. As it seems I alsways feel unhappy with a job after a few months. Unstable person, heheharharhar

I'm getting lazy again :-( Saturday I had to work and at evening my whole clique met at the Kaserbar to celebrate Janina's bday. Really funny party :-) It's getting kinda boring for me, last week I had the Facharbeit which kept me working but this week is boring except the three big tests, but that's a different story. I found Spotlight at Sunday, a big community done by some folks from my town. It's a help-me site and although there are enough annoying newbies I like that site, really. I'm doing some 15+ posts everyday =-)

Uhh I've finished my Facharbeit a few hours ago. Sebi, I've printed it with his printer, said it's one of the coolest looking papers he had seen yet. And although or because I didn't go in line with any of the suggested formats like 1.5 lines spacing between the line it's really cool. OK, it took me only a few minutes ot find the first errors and mistakes but still a work I'm proud of. Had to bring it to my teacher's home and so I was the last one who gave it to him. He took a fast look at it and said "Tom, I'll give you one point" (out of fiveteen). Hehe, of course there are more possible and my low target is five. None less.

My Facharbeit is growing and growing. Added two pages today. First a pen'n'paper draft which I do in school and typing it at home is quite fast then. We have no English class atm, kinda uhmm impracticable but personally I don't care because we do our next big test next week and I enjoy doing nothing for it :-) (as usual). So, please check out my Facharbeit and write me your comments (I didn't run a spell check yet).

I'm have a DSL flatrate now :-) Upto now I had only dial-up, but now I'll stay online most of my time, like in the god old days. So you can find a link to my very own box right here (if it's online). You can also look at my "Facharbeit" (German word for "a lot of work and only a few score :-/" ) if you want. It needs to be done until Jan 10th (at worst) and it's still a long way :-( Uhh and Charlie has a new grrl-friend. lucky boy. (that was a hint grrls ;-)

I was too drunken yesterday to report so here it comes. so on 31st I bought me a new bottle of fine whiskey and so I was already drunken when Michi and I met for darts and billiards at the soundcafé. As usual he showed me how to play darts but he opened the billiards game with spilling his beer cross the table. But after it's a really fucked up table and a good game is normaly impossible but hey beer ain't necessary, no? Anyways we told no one about and I lost the game :-( Later I joined Sebi, Angi, Hubi, Witali (spelling?) and Marco, we stood around some time in Berchtesgaden's "city", met a lot of people and celebrated the new year. Thereafter we drove to the Kaserbar where we had a lot of music, dancing and alcohol. I realy love the nights I can drink as much as I want and don't have to care about getting home. OK this time I should have but this 10 minutes walk w/ Sebi wasn't that bad. So I came home at 5am and woke up at 2pm and 5pm (don't wonder 'bout). For the case you didn't notice, some European states have a new, common currency: the EURO. There's a lot about the problems, difficulties and such in TV and I'm starting to ask myself Is money realy that important for our society? It seems to be and very has fogotten that it's just fucking money, nothing else. Nothing you could eat, drink or something that keeps you warm in a cold night. Think about that.