TomK32

The white dragon is in his deepest, despite his size and strength, still a common lizard. Although he's a mighty and ancient creature, and lives easily on his own account, he's still the king's truest follower.

I wanna get drunk now. i know there's school tomorrow, but fuck it. you know why i wanna get drunk tonight? i don't. not for sure. i hate this unconsciousness, not knowing if Kerstin will gimme a chance or not. i hate that, it always makes me depressed. you know i'm drifting from one rejection to the next, i'm allready used to that but it's still hard. ok, she didn't tell me "get lost" yet but... life's fucking shit :-(

thing's w/ Kerstin are "resting" at the moment, her parents leave tomorrow so stay tuned ;-) my brother is annoying me with some of his network card shit. Fucking windows, i don't hae any clue of it anymore. gimme some project to code in php or such but windows? tha's crap started reading "No one here get's out alive", a very good Jim Morrison biography. Read it man, you won't regret. Being such a Rock star like Jim was would be really cool. He was a lord, a god, the Lizard King and I love his lyrics hail to the Lizard King

I'm kinda depressed since Friday night. I told Kerstin that I'm in love with her and she said that she needs some more time to know me better (although no one will ever know all of my sides...) and so it seems like I have to wait till her parents leave. I know that the situation is not that bad as I take it but that's no reason not to be depressed. Being depressed has some good sides (yeah really). You can stay at home (and avoid ear-damages ;-)), you can drink without caring about how to get home again (don't drink and drive) and when I'm drunk I start to write. yeah, many pages in my old-style, paper diary have been filled while I was drunken. And what I love more is to write poems like this one. I don't know why I write mostly sad poems (there's only one happy poem), I simply prefer to write sad ones, when I'm happy I don't want to write poems. Being a poet is one of my few dreams of my future. It's a great thing to show the people you innermost thoughts using poetry, to help them and to show them that there's some other dude who experienced the very same shit.

a little update about Kerstin. I met her on Tuesday at the Fontana, a little ice-cáfe in Berchtesgaden, we talked for about two hours and it was great fun :-) She is still not yet my "girl friend", but that shouldn't wonder you after I'm a quite shy dude. Her parents arried yesterday and so she had only a few minutes to phone with me. Today I talked only a few minutes to her, anyways I'll meet her again tomorrow evening, we gonna celebrate into her 21st birthday :-)

woot I phoned with Kerstin (her last name is Seide what means silk in English) for about 3 1/2 hours yesterday afternoon (I'm having kinda flat rate for phone calls on Sundays). I never did that bevore, talking to someone for hours. She's sooo nice :-) she likes band I like, she don't like internet (ya dudes out there are all maniacs ;-)) and webcams (as soon as I get my DSL I'll buy one), her TV doesn't recieve MTV but MTV2 (mine does the very opposite), she never played any music instrument but amateur volleyball some years ago. She's cool, and don't wonder if I look happy in the next days :-)

It was a good night :-) But first I need to tell what the day before happened. I was in the Kaserbar (my sister forced me) and saw a nice grrl there, a almost stared at her and I'm sure she noticed that ;-) But even if you don't know me well you can easily guess that I didn't speak to her. This evening (again Kaserbar) I talked to her, we talked for about two hours (till the music was out and we had to leave) and she's a really nice grrl :-) Her name is Kerstin, she's 20 years old, rehabilitation nurse a private hospital, she's cute (of course ;-)) and I hope to see her again, maybe tomorrow don't know yet. Wish me luck folks and good night

It's hard to deal with what happened Tuesday. So many things I saw, read and heard from various sources. Try slashdot for it has collected a lot stuff and links about it. You should also look at userfriendly's Wednesday cartoon. This is the one that expressed more feelings than I ever expected from a cartoon. People are talking about war, if you watched CNN like I did you heard the strong use of military vocabulary like "casulties" instead of "victims". Afghanistan seems to get primary target cuz it hosts people like bin Laden and he whole Taliban shit. If NATO (yepp the whole 19 states) attacks Iraq will also enter war at the terrorists side. And as we all know Germany, the lovely country I live in, is US' most favourite place (except aircraft carriers) to start their bombers heading Afghanistan and who else the enemy might be. They started from Rammstein, Germany during the Kosovo war and surely will do it again. And you can be sure that if Iraq searches a target for their rockets we Germans will be one. Talking about war brings me to another thing that made me thinking about a lot. Is it really a declaration of war? It's a new kind of war, yet unseen on Earth's soil. They killed more people in 1 1/2 hours than ever before in times of peace. There was no warning, no official declaration followed and no country or government declared war upon the United States of America or took responsibility for the attacks. I think it won't matter if it's just terror or a real war, the USA will attack some country 90% of US citizens never heard of and hopefully all will be fine as usual.

Can you imagine that? Some stupid assholes flying with airplanes into one of New York City's most remarkable buildings and makeing them collapsing. There are no more World Trade Center towers anymore in New York's Skyline. My mom woke me up (yeah I'm sleeping at afternoon) just after the seconde plane hit the towers. I couldn't belive that two planes hit both towers within such a short time. No one could. It's just something that doesn't happen in our peaceful world. But we aren't living in a peaceful world. We never did. The last 10 years might be more peaceful than any decade before but there are still people who think that they can reach their targets with violence. Tens of thousands of honourable women and men lost their life justbecause some stupid assholes think they could reach a superior target by killing those people. If I would meet those who are responsible for this greatest disaster of the young 21st century I would kill them. They have no right to live anymore, they are not a part of manking anymore, they are no human being in my eyes. The happy lifes of thousands of good people, some hunderds of helpful firkworker and medics ended within a few minutes. It makes you crying to see on CNN the towers collapsing, the dust rising to the sky and darkening half Manhattan. I watched CNN the whole afternoon, talked with people in #worldtradecenter at irc.openprojects.net and still don't understand "why". The world won't be the same if I wake up tomorrow, we lost trust into our peaceful way of life. They not only hit the free world's financial center but also one of it's military's, The Pentagon. I fear that this isn't the end yet, more attacks might come, altough not that hard and surprisingly but they will still hurt. I'm sure that in a few days the free world will start war with some terrorism-supporting countries, surely mid-east, but that won't solve the problem (to be honest I'm not sure what fucking problem those madmen have), war will only put the problem back and in ten years the bastards will creep out the holes where they hide and bomb the free world again. I'm really not sure what a good solution could be, war surely isn't. good night my friends and god bless america

I had a wonderful night. At 9pm Anna picked me up and we drove to Freilassing in here Buick. Her car is really big and comfortable. We met with Toni and Klaus at Mac Donalds and then drove with Toni to Traunreut which is some 25km west of Freilassing. We stayed in a Disco named "Airport" for an hour but it was boring (not enough ppl) and so we decided to get back to Freilassing. There we sat in Toni's BMW for a while till we decided to look to the Emotion Bar in Salzburg's Airport-Center. We arrived there at 2am and the EBar was still crowded :-) good music, good drinks, happy people... yeah that's what I love. At 3:30 we drove back to Freilassing and from there Anna brought me back home. We had a nice talk about school, holidays and that. Really the best evening of the whole summer. Now I'm still very tired. But I have to get to work in an hour :-( I should stay at home tonite, wouldn't stand tomorrow (also work) elseway.

I worked a lot in the last days, Mon in the gas station and from Tuesday till tomorrow in a book factory, and as if it isn't enough I have to work in the gas station again at Sat and Sun. The work in the factory is really boring, maybe you know these little papers in some books? Yeah I'm one of the fools who put them in :-( At least I earn 15,- DEM/hour so I don't care how boring my job is. Do you know Charlie's webcam ? Quite interesting what he does at 5am and that's he calls that a little intelligent human contact ;-)