TomK32

seems like the first of my RL friends are discovering this diary. When I started this diary I feared this moment but now I don't care anymore. If you don't like what's written here, fuck ya! and stop reading it. And a lil msg for those who want keep reading it, don't talk with me about it. Don't like that and I'll ignore you (even my very best friends) if you do. And the same in German (for the dumb dudes). Wem dieses Tagebuch ned passt der soll sich verziehn! Und wer's trotzdem lesen will soll sich ned bei mir drüber beschweren, sonst ignorier ich euch einfach, mir egal wie gute Freunde wir sind, ich mag über diese Tagebuch ned reden.

Played DSA with my friends the whole afternoon. A bit boring cuz we stuck 'round with a fucking problem and needed a long time to solve it, but none the less fun :-) Played with the GIMP for the last two hours. Was inspired by "Bed Time"/"Full Void" by Brian Turner and so I created (full size) and (full size) I prefer the second, bright one. Most other ppl from IRC I showed do so. The black bar at the left makes the whole very interesting I think. Write me your opinion about them. good night folks, and happy gimping

It's just cool. My new monitor arrived just a half hour ago and now I'm sitting in front of a 19" beast that eats most of my desk's space. These 600 EURO are worth it :-) I didn't do a lot in the last two days except waiting for the screen and playing MythII

After my old monitor is broken I'm using my bro's one, until the new one arrives. I ordered a Sony CPD-E400 19" monitor. It's 550 USD and one of the best available CRT monitors with a flat screen (but I'm sure it's still 50cm deep, but that's no prob for me). I really can't wait for it, I'm soo happy about getting such a big and cool monitor. I'm also thinking about putting some pictures of me online, Charlie jsut asked for them. Gonna do that next week.

Damn bullshit. After two peaceful days my monitor finally fucked itself and went from us. I'm now using my bro's display but that's a lousy 14" running with 800x600 :-( I hope my mom can lend me the 600EURO which I need for the 19" I'd like to buy.

OK, I did wrong. After one hour Kaserbar Evi still didn't appear but friends of her who told me that she would be at Bobby's Inn. So stupid me drove to Bobby's Inn but she even didn't greet me, let alone speaking to me. I'm so stupid, why am I doing all these stupid things? Is there something in me that tries to destroy me? At least I showed her that I miss her. stupid dude. I really should forget her. Find some other grrl, that's what I should do, nothing else. Not dying of unanswered love, not dying of loneliness, not dying of self-compassion but looking forward for another, better grrl who loves me.

As it seems I solved my display problem. Today it had several black-outs so I decided to check my XF86Config-4, changed the settings for the horizontal and vertical refresh rate and now it works just fine :-) But I will still buy a new display in mid-September. Out for Kaserbar now, maybe I'll try again with Evi. Wish me luck.

Two hours ago there was heavy rain here. Not funny if you live in the mountains, and even less funny if you live at the bottom of a valley next to a (little) river. But this time we had luck, a ot water came down from the street to Salzburg, maybe 5cm in front of the house, some water in the garage but noting else. More interesting was what happened 50m down the street. There's a little streamlet, ok today there was more water then this streamlet is able to carry and so all the muddy water, stones and wood run above instead of beneath the street. I came up to the street after I saw all the water in front of our house and watched my pa who tried to lead the water (not the water from the streamlet, that runs across/beneath the street directly into the river) from the street into a field so there would be less in front of our house. I helped him a bit and then saw the water from the streamlet and walked to it, some cars allready stopped and because of 5cm water, huge stones and wood none wanted to cross it anymore, I threw some the stones and wood from the street and some cars could drive through but more and more stones came down the streamlet. Five minutes later three fireworker came and they decided to send the ppl back so that they could take a bypass. Three fireworker aren't enough for that so I decided to help them and send the ppl back and to them how to bypass this part of the street. There's one brigde at each side of the streamlet's battlefield and I decided to take the far one. It was cool to have the power to send ppl into a different direction, to stand amidst the street and to help them, I was really proud of myself and smiled the whole time :-) After 20 minutes they had enough fireworker and send one to help me, as it seems there must have been a lot cars waiting at the other bridge but after a while the cars got less and I decided to get back home. The fireworkers were happy about my help and I'm very proud of being a good helper at this case of emergency :-) So I had a unusual afternoon and my hair is still wet. I'm still not finished with this website I have to do. My time-table is now totally confused, but I will make it and reach my target :-)

Yesterday's afternoon was really good, although there were a lot of people up at the waterfall it was a relaxing afternoon for me :-) Today I worked at the gas station from 2pm till 10pm and although it was really hot the sun didn't shine that much like yesterday, a real work-day ;-) Tomorrow I have to code this site for a hotel, I mentioned this project two weeks ago, then it was canceled and now I have to do it (again), at least some money for a my display. I need to buy a 19" one and my current 5-year-old 15" is really fucked, flimmering all time and making me believing there are some drugs in the water.... Tomorrow evening I hope to meet Evi again, I really want to try it again, don't think that I will fail this time. I'm still a fool but it's getting better. Susi is also on my side, so why not? Did you see Barabbas' website yet? It's Charlie's band and he did a coool front image for it. That reminds me to redo the one for my site. Still no certain idea but we'll see. I'm doing a lot of translations for various software projects in the last days, look at The Translation Project, you will surely find my foot-prints ;-) I also want to hold a paper at a Linux-meeting in October in Salzburg (Austria, the next big city from BGD). Having a lot of software is important for Linux but to get power at the Desktop you need localized (translated) software. I'm sure that translations will make a major part of my future (three months) projects, need to redo my website, maybe some new ones, ProjectAngels is still pending, this nifty link script at my localhost should be released and then there's school starting in September again, this last year will be hard for me. And harder for others ;-)

Was lying at the waterfall at Königssee yesterday afternoon. Only a few ppl, silence, wonderfull :-) Later I was asked by Susi to come to VIVA but my sister reminded me (although much to late) that it's Julia's (Hubi's grrlfriend) bday. We were too late for the party so we met them at the Kaserbar, boring I must say (today is a holiday so Kaserbar was open), no one seemed to have known that Kaserbar was open. Toni, Angi and I drove back to Berchtesgaden and sat at the Soundcafe for a hotdog and coke. After I finally (at 0:30am) drove to VIVA, alone. Don't know why I was there, really should have went home instead. I sat around the whole time, didn't say a lot and Evi surely got angry about my sad behaviour. Susi told me that she's at my side, a good sign? I will respect Evi's decision, but will give her a try if she wants that. Until she changes her mind (or I find another grrl) I'll stay the sad guy. You know I feel like I tried to lean out the window as much as I could, was on a happy-mood-trip and tried to fly but instead I splashed down at the street. Now I don't want to stand up anymore, won't do that cuz I don't want to fall again anymore, I will wait here at the street, watching the life passing above me, for a truck to make some nasty looking mass out of me. Will be at the waterfall this afternoon, it's quite sunny now :-)

DSA with my friends was fun, we managed to do all things that Toni didn't want us to do (i.e. survive ;-) ). No party today, Susi wrote me per mail that Evi isn't well so no party. Didn't want to go either... Gonna go joggin now and later some more code for the link thingy (hoping to submit it at freshmeat tomorrow).

Dunno what I should think about yesterday. Toni tried to wake me up at 8:40, 10:40 and finally at 12:00, talked to him for a half hour (per phone) and then went to work (the gas-station you know). Some funny people came in, a guy who's wife had the great idea of caming here in Berchtesgaden and he told us the funny story of building the tent :o) funny guy. Later I came home and my sister cut me my hair, yeah I trust her a lot and she's quite good. Having short hair is much easier. In the Kaserbar I met Evi, Susi and the whole bunch of grrls, none else of my friends except Vitali (did the disk jockey once again) and Joe (son of my boss, arranged the job for me a few months ago, thnx ;-)) I talked to Evi (or let's say she talked to me, I didn't say a lot except some "ok" and a few "yes"). She said that she had accepted me as a friend before I said here that I'm in love with her. She also said that she don't want this friendship be broken. OK Evi invited me to a little party this night, I think I'll go for it. If I don't she will think that I'm angry at her or such. I really don't want to. She said that I could be the only guy there, but let's see... I didn't explain her that it took me so long to tell her because I always need to be sure who that grrl is, I mean I have still 59 yrs ahead and I use as much of this time for one single thing as I want. I don't want to live a fast life, keep it slow and don't hurry. But also never stop because only what's moving is alive, all other is dead. Did my first night-run yesterday :-) I must say it's cool, all dark (except stars and a half-moon which look a bit yellow to me), no people around and all quiet. I like that, will do it again. I jogged about a mile (I think), to the near public bath and back. Sure it could be a longer distance but as soon as I (or better my body) is used to it I can make a longer trip. Need to get to Toni now, we'll play DSA again. I hope that Manger isn't angry when he hears that I'll leave at 7pm :-)

I wrote a lot code in the last days and nights. For those who surf at my local box you can see a new link thingy. I finally got rid of the ancient pure HTML and the newer db2 version. The data is saved in a single file, sorted by section. Although it's only two days old it has a lot of features now, adding new links, delting, altering, reordering of sections and links, a limit for links in a section (will write a link to see all links in a section), columns and much more (no, I think I mentioned all). Tomorrow I will add some login stuff. I also have to code a website for a friends Hotel, at least 150DEM (~$70 USD) for me :-) and I really need to money for the new display (must be 19"). I bought me new shoes today, one pair normal street-shoes, black and looking really cool (except with white trousers) and a pair of jogging shoes. Today I've decided to do night-runs like lowtus and Charlie do. Strange how two guys at a very different continent can influence your life. But jogging got allready necessary, my health is down and grrls like good shaped guys ;-) that's all for the moment, gonna go out now. Kaserbar once again, Sebi is back from his 3 weeks in Berlin (try-out in a biology laboratory) and that's a reason for party ;-)

Feeling better now. I'm still thinking a lot about her but work and friends helped me not to loose my mind totally. At Sunday and Monday I was out with Michi, we watched "Der Schuh des Manitu" a very funny German comedy movie and had a lot of fun (I even won against him in Darts :) At Monday night, while walking home, I lay down at a park-bench and thought about the whole situation, no real result, I know that I should try again, and maybe ask Susi to help me (I'm sure she will) but because this fucking happens all the time to me (and only to me) I just want to run away, get out of this shit and run. I think I'll start night-running like Charlie does, my health is allready below good and sitting the whole summer in front of my PC won't make it better. Today my 512MB RAM arrived, cost: 180DEM (~ $85 USD) They are special ones for Atlhon PCs with a VIA chipset (like my very expensive Asus A7V), it's cool to have so many RAM in your box, although I'm running a lot of shit all the time (Mozilla, XMMS, XEmacs, GIMP) I didn't drop below 100MB free RAM yet. The next thing will be a 19" monitor, 15" aren't enough anymore (since 3 yrs or so...) I wrote a lot code in the last days, released My Secret Diary 0.8, wrote a script to manage my links at my local webserver (login is missing, then I can release it at fm). Oh and there's something both interesting and terrible happening out there, CodeRed is doing quite "fine" and attacks a lot of IIS server which try to attack other server, if you are running a webserver (e.g. Apache you can count these attacks with grep -c "default.ida" access.log. With my own box (3hrs/day online) I had 82 attacks since July 19th. Charlie and lowtus have also counter, 800 at Charlie and 1000 at lowtus, imagine that huge amount of servers that are infected. CodeRed is eating a lot of bandwidth and annoys everyone. It's such a bullshit.

Had a more or less fucking bull-shit day today. Had to get up at 7am to work at the fucking fence we didn't finish last Saturday. We finished t at 12am and after one hour sleep I had to get to a friend to play DSA (a pen'n'paper RPG) but my mom this stupid bitch had brought our car to a mechanic because this fucking brake-light was burning the whole time. Sometimes she is even dumber than normal. Called a friend and we could play DSA. Playing DSA is fun but my friends made me to play till 22:30 and 8 1/2 hrs playing isn't fun anymore (I'm sure they still play without me). Because they didn't want to stop I had to go home by my own feet and got wet to my bones (fucking rain). When I was home I thought to myself that Evi would be at the Kaserbar tonite, so I decided to drive to the Kaserbar. My mom's car still away I asked my dad who didn't give it to me :-( parents are the most useless thing on world, would be better without them. So I'm sitting here, only boxer-shorts and wet hair. It's so fucking hot cuz of my room-light and the PC. Can't open the window due masses of nasty insects waiting to get in. The whole day CRAP - can't belife it. Maybe I will climb out my window and jump into our pool, naked at night it's a lot cooler than under daylight.

Update about this accident last night. A far relative of mine (don't like him much) was involved (not driving) and no one was killed.

I stayed the whole Tuesday and Wednesdays at home, didn't want to do anything except staying at home and thinking about my fucking life. And I wrote some code (thinking is boring). The diary app is now translateable, English and German is available, more will follow as soon as ppl translate it. It's quite cool to have such cool stuff, even if it doesn't yet work at because of the stupid admins :-( After staying some days in my room, my mom got nearly angry (it was very sunny weather) so I was at the waterfall at Königsee (Kings Lake). First time I was there but cool, jumping from trees into the deep water :-) I had a lot of fun, even without my friends. At evening I went to Kaserbar, a lot of ppl (as usual) and very very very hot (as it was the last few days, right now I'm sitting here in boxer shorts only). Meet my friends there, saw Angi's new BMW (color: white) and after two hours we left. I tried to catch up with Angi in my mom's fucking VW Golf2 and after we had passed the long straight part of the rode he suddenly stopped and I had a lot of problems not to crash into his back. There has been an car-acciendent, some guy (from Berchtesgaden) crashed into the guiding-line at the right and then into the woods. One died, dunno who but not a friend as it seems. I never care about who dies, all other around me do but I have accepted death as another state of life. I think I will stay the next to days at home again, still angry at myself because of Evi, maybe also a bit angry at here, dunno. Don't know if I should try it again to get Evi, I like her very very much and don't want to loose her as a friend but also want more than only being friends. Can't forget her.