TomK32

Today I wrote my last English test for this semester, next (and last) two in autumn. It was quite simple (for me), easy questions, a translation that wasn't that unknown to us ;-) and for the essay (about 200 words) I had a very good idea. I'm sure to get 10 (out of 15) points again like I did in the first two (the third was _only_ 9 points). I don't feel bad for getting better results than my class mates who learn days while my only preparation is to sleep in the lesson before (Biology) to get awake and to forget my dictionary ;-)

I should get to bed earlies, was too tired this morning :-( Today I wanted to submit my diary app at freshmeat and saw there that "PHP Diary" was allready used, after looking at that one and seeing that it's crap I mailed the author of it if he couldn't give the name to me after mine is much better. The only response I got was a unfriendly "Not in a lifetime". Not the way how Open Source ppl reacted and I was kinda shocked, maybe I've lived a bit to long in the Open Source community and that's why I'm not used unfriendly reactions. Just got a second reply (I replyed his first answer) but I won't answer now, who cares about this fucking l4m3 bastards. So I asked in #oswd for a new name and Skatters suggested "my secret diary" so you can now find it at freshmeat :-) I'll add some more stuff like comments but it's very cool and usefull now. Have to write an English test tomorrow, it will be long and boring. For most of my class mates it's very very hard but for me English became very easy. I was used to have a 4 (D) in English till last year but I had to repeat class 10 (that's possible here in Germany and also common) and got a different teacher who is really really good (Hi, Mr. Garbe ;-) Some weeks ago our school was controlled by a state official and after looking at the tests we wrote in English class he said that they could be a bit easier... but Mr. Garbe will make it as hard as usual no doubt. At least I'm good and will get a very good Abitur (final exam, kinda important for some ppl).

Was done with scholl at 10:15 (only 3 lessons, the other 4 were dropped...) but it took me 2 hours to get home. Hell I hate this god-knows-where-it-is school, withouot a car you're really fucked :-( When I drove home in the bus I saw Evi sitting at a bus-stop waiting, she looked into another direction and din't see here. That was the first time I saw here in day-light and not this fucking lights in the disco. I like her very much but I'm not sure how to get her. I wrote a lot of code today. Only for this cool diary app ;-) there's a new link up there, "best entires" are those which you (in my opinion) should read. It took me a long time to find all bugs and get it working. But it's fine and I love it. I'll post the app at freshmeat later, yes fm is up again. There are sill some things to add, some graphics like smilies :-) but I'm nearly done. We "visited" the place where my sister had here accident some days ago. She must have driven very slow. The grade next to street is deep but the car didn't fall/drive very far. I'm sure that the insurance company will pay and she'll get a new car. Hmmm, that's all for the moment, cya 2mo

I didn't do anything in the last hours except writing some recode for my website, adding new code to the diary and testing SquireCD's new layout at his website, it was formerly white, too white for him as it seems but I also like the black colors. Visit him and check it out. His talking about banners and logos made me wanting a new one for my own site, I didn't change the current logo for months and it's also time for a layout change which I didn't change since January methinks. Did I yet tell ya about my two little kittens? The one is white, black and some brown drops and the other is white and grey with long hair, looks kinda fat but it feels so soft. Strange but true, none of both has a name yet, some ppl have probs because they have to may names but we never can decide because none wants to. The kittens found out that my room is a good place to play around and they are here most of the time. We got them 9 days ago and they allready recognize me and come to me if I call them. And if I sleep at afternoons (at night we lock them into a room so they don't get killed by our dog) they love to jump around at my bed and to play, kinda annoying but sweet. That's one of the few things I love :-)

OK, I didn't learn enough for the biology test, I hate to learn all this stupid formulas you need for photosythesis and such. It's stupid and I can't see any sense in it, I understand the processes that should be enough, shouldn't it? School was quite boring, every Monday I have to wait 2 hours in school until Volleyball starts, but at least it's summer and the sun is shining :-) Seen from Monday the weekend didn't bring any improvments to me. At Friday (I didn't tell about it yet because there happended so many other things) I was out, meet some friends and also this girl I fell in love for, I talked with her half the evening like I did a week ago but as you may have allready noticed I'm a dumb dude if things come to tell a grrl that I like/love here. I don't know what to do or to say, maybe I should simply call her this week and meet here somewhere alone without friends... If you know something that will work 120% drop me a note.

Wrote some more code for this neat diary, quotes on mulitple lines are now possible, was kinda hard testing cuz when I changed on parameter a new bug came but I'm happy now :) I gonna sleep now, was a busy weekend and I don't see anything that could make the next week much better. But at least next weekend will I'll do it better ;-)

Was a boring day, no time to learn biology but I have two hours tomorrow in school to learn it. I want a good result because in the first test of this semester I got 10 (out of 15) points and that's something I want in this term's report. By the way this semester is much better than the last one :-) Had to work from 2pm to 8pm, it's an easy job in a gas station and esepcially at Sunday afternoons there not much to do, I earn 15DEM (~7.6 EURO) per hour, well payed isn't it?. I don't think that my sister learned anything from her accident last night. She'll drive as careless as she did before and won't take it (not only driving but her whole life) more serious. She will still smoke while driving (maybe even handle her mobile phone, but that's not anymore allowed by law).

#oswd at irc.openprojects.net has decided to destroy mankind <stephan> mankind has loads of unsolved problems <TomK32> mankind itself is the biggest problem in my opinon <stephan> yes you are right, but just doing nothing about that fact isnt a solution at all <TomK32> ok, let's destroy mankind ;-) <stephan> :) <SquireCD> can i help?? hmm, it seems like most of the OSDN (Open Source Developer Network) is down, no slashdot and no freshmeat :-(

Hmmmm.... is it just me or why does so much fucking shit happen within a short time? Isn't it enough that my dad is dying? Why had my sister this car accident last night? Before you start to cry: all survived. Maybe my fate is to have a very very ugly year and then will never be bothered again by such knock-downs. My sister got her driver license in the third try just a month ago (she 18 years old and you get the license here in Germany with 18). I went two or three times with here when she drove and she really don't drive well. She smoked while driving and for a newbie who should concentrate on the street that's not good. And in the accident such a thing was the error she did. A friend asked her for a cigarette and while she searched for it she lost control and ended upside down next to the street. She called my mom (who didn't bother to inform me although she know that I'm awake at that time) and police who made a blood-test for drug consumption. I only hope that she didn't drink anything at the party before because then she would loose her license for months. The car is waste now (about 9 years old cost my sister about 4000euro) and she will (again) annoy me the whole day with "Tom drive me there" "Tom drive me here" if she loses here license and maybe also if not. I should learn biology for school now, but first I need some sleep and at the afternoon I must get to work.

OK, some stuff about myself. I'm a geek, I know a lot about computers, I think the most time about problems and how to solve them, if I find a new site or software the first thing I do is to test and criticise it. I think my brain lost its humanity and became a computer itself. As easy handling computers is as hard is understanding humans for me. Due I'm never sure what the people around me will do next I try to stay away from them. If I have a computer in from of me I know what to do to get certain results, if necessary I can reset it and have a fresh start which is afaik impossible with humans. Even simple friendships are hard for me let alone a relationship with a grrl. In these 19 years I'm living on planet earth I had only one grrlfriend, I broke up after two weeks, she didn't have enough time for me :-( Another problem for me is that I'm kinda lazy, I start things do a bit until it works good enough and then I switch to another task. Even if I really want to do something I seldom do it. I don't know if I fear to fail or if I simply don't know how to do it.This incompetence is surely the strongest reason why I'm a poor, lonesome geek not able to tell a grrl that he loves her :-( I know that sounds so strange, even to me and I know that I don't have to fear to fail because the world is damn big and you can retry somewhere else Since about a half year I'm falling from one depressive phase into the next, a lot of shit happening to me, my father has lung-cancer, my parents are argueing the whole time and that will break our family within the next half year. If I could get out of this house and live with a friend I would do it, something I wouldn't even have imaginated a year ago. I loved to live here, maybe it might seem to you far of the world and trouble of cities but I love silence when you can hear your own breath and no sound disturbs your thoughts. I loved my home but it became hell for me, I need some changes and I need them soon. I do very often changes, changing the way I live, I even started to learn for school a few months ago ;-) Changes are one of the few thigs that keep me alive, if you don't change you stopped to live and death will near you.I think this public diary will be a very important change for me, I'm writing a private one for about 1 1/2 years mostly to remember what I when did (memory is really a problem for me), I hope it will change the way I deal with other ppl I got bored of my life, all this bullshit, seldom happy things it made me weak. I'm mostly listening to drepressing music from Beck, Thomas D. (get his "Lektionen in Demut" good German New Age) and the Doors (ever heard "The End"?). I've started to write poetry and friends who read it have two question: 1) Did you write it on your own? 2) Is it possible that you're getting depressed? They are right but I wonder why it took them so long to see it and why they are surprised, that depresses me :-(I feel very lonesome, not only because I have no grrlfriend (I think that I don't need one to love me but to save me) but also because I'm loosing contact to my friends they are moving farer and farer away, OK my friends are all very different and it happens seldom that we all come together to go out and to have fun but I think that most of them ignore me, they don't care what I think or feel. This may be a result of the independence my mother (my parents got divorced 11 years ago but he came back after a few years, they aren't married now and surely won't) gave me, the best thing she did for me was to do nothing, that made me independent, I can survive everywhere, if I would be alone from one day to another I wouldn't care, I would continue and maybe would even do better than now. My friends know that I'm hard to destroy, I don't care if someone hurts me even my body isn't important for me (my right foot hurts since April but after I can still walk I don't get to a doctor), I never complain or talk with a friend about my feelings or situation (hopefully this page will change that). But please don't think that I'm angry about my friends, no they are still good friends and make me happy often enough. God only knows how my life will go on but I'm optimistic if I look into the far future. I'm getting tired and need sleep, good night folks

heheh you're a perfectionist, eh? -- SquireCD on TomK32

Hi there, So that's the first post ever and I hope it won't be the last. First I'll tell you some stuff about this application, you can get it at from the software page and use it if you also want a diary. Last weekend SquireCD asked me for help due he wanted to automate his own diary-page, he wanted it in single files and not in a big one as it was before and I not only helped him a bit but wrote him the whole thing what made him think that I must be a php-god ;-) This weekend I wrote some more code and also decided to have a diary on my own. I'm not sure if I should post a public link at my page cuz I fear that friends might read these pages and then I won't write as "open" as I would like to. But let's see how it will work :-) I'll watch some TV now and write another entry later.