I stayed at home the two last days. Except for helping a friend w/ his computer problems, but I couldn't solve them so I think I'm too old for this WindowsXP shit. I've written some code for TEG and although I've made some errors (sorry riq) I'm proud of myself :-) I'll watch Lord of the Rings - Fellowship of the Ring tonite and I'm really looking forward for it. I'm sure it's really that good as everyone says.

Yesterday we (Sebi, Hubi, Phi and me) played Monopoly at Sebi's. Sounds strange, some 19-yr-old guys playing monopoly. But it's a lot of fun, even if I keep loosing (open source ya know). Sebi and Hubi didn't finish the game yesterday and so they will continue the game today. The game before (23rd if I remember correctly) Anna played w/ us and she really stripped us. Although we three played against her we had no chance at all. A new version (0.2.2) of NiftyLinks is out. I found a bug which caused doubled entries :-( I'm mailing a lot w/ my elder (half) brother these days. He's so damn cool ;-)

Golden angels Cruel messengers Sent by the gods of my parents Sent to bring me to their commander Fear those who tell you not to be anxious For they'll leave you when the end comes But I never felt fear Forgot, you don't have a soul Who stole it? Where is it? Before birth you decided for other things Which things? Knowledge and creativity The abilities a poet needs, And now leave for we need to be prepared

I HATE CRHISTMAS

It's fucking bullshit. the worst event each year. I'm reall envy at Charlie who turns 21 today. He doesn't look that sad like I do cuz he can happy/drunken about his birthday and no one will notice you hate Christmas if your bday is Dec 24th. Toni's dad died due cancer a few days ago. Toni told neither me nor Rico, but I didn't expect anything else from him. The obsequies was the first time I saw tears in his eyes. I think I will show even less if any signs of mourning when my dad will passes. It's not that I don't love my dad, he's the one who gave me life and no matter what bullshit I'm in, I'm still happy to be alive, to have this chance to prove that I'm worth existing. No, it's cuz we're already expecting his death and that he got kinda mad and that he is the reason for the breaking up of our family. Maybe it's normal to break w/ your family if you aren't a teenager anymore but I don't know what a perfect family looks like. I doubt I want to. Uhh, and Charlie finally got his present. I feel good if I can make people happy, even if that means I have to do jokes about myself :o) You can't call yourself satisfied with life and the universe if you don't accept what and who you are, including all your bad habbits and mistakes.

I'm sooo depressed. I think it's cuz of Christmas and that shit. Everyone looks (or tries to) happy and that's something I don't like. I don't mean that I don't want happy people around me, no I really love happy people, but it's because they are happy because an event that really sux. I'm happy when school starts again somewhen January, even if it didn't end yet.

No important news in the last days. Was out at Friday and Saturday but it wasn't that good. Didn't make a lot progress with reading Morrison's poetry, no time :-( I'll report about James Joyce's Ulysses in German class sometime next year. Every one of us had to choose a (more or less famous) novel and I've decided for surely one of the hardest, but I think that impressed Mr. Fiebrich cuz he wanted to present Ulysses himself. I don't fear tasks that are hard, but I will fear never reading Ulysses if no one forces me to do. Cristmas is near, damn I hate such events. I'd prefer to be far away, on my very own with no one trying to make me happy. fuck da presents fuck da family fuck da fucking santa claus I can't get it anymore

I'm installing Debian on a friends box today, he's living in the same house like I and has no clue of Linux but knows a lot about electronic and hard-ware. He's one of those Windooz lamers ya know and calling him a friend might go to far. Anyways it's quite hard to install Debian if you didn't do it for over a year (yes, my own box runs for 13 months now, w/o any new installation :-)). Getting the network up and that, really shit. I've sent a present to Charlie today, no I won't tell ya what it is but I'm sure he'll like it :-)

I've got my DSL hardware yesterday, didn't it expect it that early but German Telekom can surprise you sometimes :-) Installing the hardware was easy, even assembling a longer network cable (first time I did that) was easy and the only problem that kept me from high-speed-surfing until early this evening was some fucking login problem. As it show my ISP has changed the way the username needs to look like. From a simply 20+ digits one to a 20+ digits + @t-online.de they are really insane. Had a nice talk with arj (Brazilian from #oswd) who also has DSL for a short time and somehow we came to my "beloved" mother tongue. He didn't believe me that Donaudampfschifffahrtskapitänsmütze is a German word, he said it would be a whole sentence... German is really a strange language, no wonder I don't like it. Maybe it's cuz German lessons really suck, ya know talking about something like the "scientific destroying" of poetry and literature in general is totally useless and bullshit to me.

Sun is shining today, didn't for days and this bright light became uncomfortable to me (a real geek hates light). Maybe you wonder who that grrl is I've talked about a few hours ago, but after a lot of my personal friends started to read this diary (don't forget to read the rules) I can't tell ya yet. But I hope tomorrow, or Tuesday, or Wednesday.... Check out the 1337 flyers of Andrew Duhan, really cool stuff. I like his clean and simple style

I love the nights when I go out just for having fun and getting drunk. I love these nights. OK, I hate to be dropped by my mom to wherever I need, that's real shit and one of the reasons why i don't wanna be at this continent, but going out, knowing that nothing will change, no matter what you will do is a good thing. I still (or even more) love the person I loved yesterday, I'm still at this fucking nowhere-point with this love but somehow I did some progress without really knowing or yet realizing it. I will do more and might even get a positive response (which I nearly expect) from my loved one but tonite I'm just fine. Drunken as I could be, celebrating the King's birthday there's nothing I could miss now. Good night my fair friends, good night...

back from swimming with Hubi and Angi. Did some funny jumps from the one-meter-spring-board and some normal one from the three-meter. I didn't swim for months now and being a real geek I'm physically in a bad condition. Sure I weigh only 80 kilogramm at 1.90m heigh but if you wanna have a race with me be prepared to win it. Bought me some fine whiskey, Loch Lomond Scotish single malt, forget all the other whiskey, only Scotish single malt is real whiskey. And don't drink it mixed! So I sit here, writing some code, listening to The Doors and drinking this delicious elixir of life. Later I'll go out, once again Kaserbar. I really need a grrrrl to make this day perfect.

bohemian adj, unconventional in especially appearance and behavior; "a bohemian life style" n, a nonconformist writer or artist who lives an unconventional life That's me. I've stopped doing normal things a long time ago, you need my interest or respect if you wanna make me do something. I won't cut my hair if my mom tells me. I won't wear colored clothes if I don't want to. I won't cut my finger-nails if you tell me. I won't listen to you if you talk bull shit. I'm proud of myself and what I achieved, but I need freedom for continuing my way. I wanna stand at the abyss 1000 meters of clean air below me and you can't stop me if I decide to do another step forward to recieve unlimited freedom. so, stop asking me why accept it or forget it

Life is a conglomerate of sex, drugs and art. Sex to outlast death Drugs to flee reality & Art to express your feelings.

December 8th 1943 a man was born who became one of America's most famous rockstars. James Douglas Morrison would turn 58 today and so I'll celebrate his birthday by getting drunk, reading his poetry and listening his music. hail thee Lizard King

I'm sooo tired. Slept only 4 hours tonite and school started with basketball. The last two days were really strenuous. On Dec 6th and 7th a custom called Kramperllaufen takes place in Berchtesgaden. Some (hundred) men cloth in animal fells or straw (yes, that's possible), wear big bells on their back and take a rod (twisted of several light, thin wooden twigs) in their hand to uhmm... I think hurt all those who watch them. Sometimes it really hurts, but it's the excitement why I this feast which most of my teacher (none of them born in BGD) call barbaric. The feast is about St. Nicolaus and expel the evil ghost from our nice valley. About 20 men, one clothed as St. Nicolaus and a very young, blonde girl clothed as angel walk from house to house, making a lot of noise. There are countless of these groups. So I sat in the La Fontana (an ice-cafe) the last two days, Wednesday I was quite drunken due all the mulled claret (hot wine with spice) but yesterday I had to drive, we were in the Kaserbar from 10pm on (It rained and got boring in BGD's "city") till 2:30am and that's why I soo fucking tired.

Yesterday I finally fixed the last bug in TEG that was related to gettext (internationalization, translations). I've also created my first project at SourceForge and it did take me two hours to get CVS working on my own box and then a half hour to upload some source to SF. At least it works now, i hope to get some people interesting in helping me developing MySecretDiary. The next major release (0.9) will be a total rewrite and that's a lot of work. I gonna send Charlie a present for his birthday on Dec 24th, but won't tell ya what ;-) His brother Jimmy redesigned his website, first he had the problem that Apache don't use index.pl as index-page and got error messages, but I told him to rename it to index.cgi and it worked :)

Last night I fixed a few bugs in TEG, although i didn't code C++ for months it was quite easy :-) I'll do some code for this diary-app today, 20 pages are too much, needa cut it down somehow